his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
