Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize