We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
