She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
