Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I AM VODKA MAN
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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