Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
