Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
