HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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