How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this beer tastes like vomit already
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
