textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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