It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
