I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
