Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
