I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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