what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
