im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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