I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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