I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
