so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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