so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
