i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
