Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
