highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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