He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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