the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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