mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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