I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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