I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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