you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
