Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
