I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
