I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
