I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
