Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
