I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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