Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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