Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
