Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
