I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
