Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
