Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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