omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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