Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
