***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
