the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
