I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
