The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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