I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
