Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
