What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
