I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
