i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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