mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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