I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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