you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
