zippers are such a cool invention
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
