we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
