Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
