honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
