So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize