Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
