I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
