I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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