Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
