Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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