we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
