There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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