I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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